Even now. Especially now. Here’s how to stop feeling guilty about it.

I fasted two days a week so my kids could eat. I picked up donated food from the church and that’s what I fed my girls for years while I saved every dollar I could. I didn’t get a haircut. I didn’t buy new clothes. I didn’t spend a single penny on myself that wasn’t absolutely necessary.

And I’m not telling you that so you’ll feel sorry for me. I’m telling you because I know exactly where you are right now. Standing in the rubble of a life you thought you were building together, looking at a bank account that’s suddenly just yours, terrified to spend a single dollar on anything that isn’t survival.

I see you. I was you.

But here’s what I had to learn the hard way. And what I want to hand to you so you don’t spend years figuring it out yourself.

Survival Mode Is a Season, Not a Sentence

When my marriage ended, I walked out with two weeks worth of clothes, my kids’ backpacks, and a small safe. That was it. No second income. No child support. I made a choice that getting out of debt was worth more to me than monthly payments I couldn’t count on. I was debt-free and nearly broke, and every single dollar that came in felt like it had to be accounted for, protected, hoarded.

I dove into Dave Ramsey. I learned about emergency funds and minimum viable income , the number you absolutely need to keep a roof over heads and food on the table. I did a countdown in my head: fifteen years until my youngest was eighteen and could stand on her own. That was my timeline. That was my mission.

What I didn’t realize then is that survival mode is meant to be temporary. It is a period, not a personality. You are not meant to live there forever.

“Survival mode is not a way of life. It is a launchpad. You crouch down so you can leap. Not so you can stay small forever.”— Rita, She Travels Simple

The Wish List That Changed Everything

In the middle of my tightest years, I started keeping what I called a wish list. Not a dream board, not a vision journal. Just a simple list of things I wanted but wasn’t buying yet. A grill was on that list. I told people at my kids’ school what I was looking for. Half the time, someone had one and just gave it to me.

That wish list taught me something I still use today: you don’t have to choose between responsibility and desire. You just have to be intentional about the order. Know what you want. Put it on the list. Find a way. Save for it, look for it secondhand, let your community show up for you. But don’t pretend you don’t want it. Don’t punish yourself with deprivation indefinitely.

Because here’s what happens when you do that for too long: you stop knowing what you want at all. And a woman who doesn’t know what she wants can’t build the life she deserves.

The Foundation Rule: Cover your basics first. Always. Don’t go into debt or risk your housing, your transportation, or your family’s food to spend money on yourself. That is not self-investment , that is self-sabotage dressed up as freedom.

But once the foundation is covered? You are not just allowed to spend money on yourself. You are required to. Because a woman running on empty cannot lead her kids, cannot heal herself, and cannot build anything that lasts.

The Investment That Scared Me Most

A few years into rebuilding, I flew to California to attend a Brooke Castillo seminar. I left my three daughters with someone to watch them for three days. I spent money I didn’t feel like I had. My brain debated it for months , maybe even years, if I’m honest.

It felt irresponsible. It felt selfish. It felt like I had no business getting on a plane when I was still figuring out how to make everything work.

It was worth every single penny. Not just financially. The investment paid back in ways I’m still counting. But because it was the moment I stopped treating myself like an afterthought. It was the moment I said: I am worth investing in.

That shift. From “I can’t afford this” to “I can’t afford not to do this” is the shift that that changes everything.

"Investing in yourself feels irresponsible right up until the moment it changes your life. Then it's the most responsible thing you ever did."— Rita, She Travels Simple

Think About What You Used to Spend

Here’s a thought that stopped me in my tracks one day: think about all the money that was spent when you were part of a couple. The dinners out. The vacations you didn’t fully choose. The things bought for the house that you weren’t sure you even wanted. The money that went toward someone else’s hobbies, someone else’s comfort, someone else’s idea of a good life.

That money is yours now. Every dollar. And it can go toward your direct benefit. Your healing, your growth, your next chapter. Nobody else gets a vote anymore.

That’s not reckless. That’s freedom. And you deserve to treat it that way.

The Appalachian Trail Principle

Think about the woman who hikes the Appalachian Trail from Georgia to Maine, three to six months, one backpack. No hotel bills. No car payments. No house full of stuff to maintain. She lives on almost nothing and she is more alive than most people sitting in houses full of things they bought to feel better.

What she taught me is that stuff costs time and energy, not just money. When you learn to live with less, you realize how much more you can do with what you have. And you stop spending on things that give you a little bit of joy and start spending on things that give you a life.

Rita’s Golden Rule

“Don’t spend on like. Spend on love.”

Imagine all the money that was spent when you were part of a couple. Now it is your choice and that money can be spent for your direct benefit.
Cover your foundation. Know your numbers. Then spend on love, not like.
And know this: a woman who invests in herself is not being selfish. She is being the mother, the friend, the human being she was always meant to be. One who has enough in her own cup to pour into everyone else’s.
You’ve earned this. Every hard year was building toward it.